'Bottoms up'

So I find myself back in sunny Los Angeles, having had a nice little winning trip to Vegas, I even won the customary sore throat from the disgusting old fool who decided to cough in my face at the table. My immune system has always managed to keep most things at bay, however for future trips to LV, I will re-evaluate my strategy and be better prepared. Vitamins and these new squirty germ killers are essential when surrounded by such a bunch of degenerates. (will probably not bother with the spa again to be honest, I'm sure I kept seeing that Texan lurking round corners)
Having come 6th in my turbo tournament for a modest return, I thought I would entertain myself with a little cabaret. In my book, there is no better entertainment, than the female form prancing around the place with no clothes on. I think gentlemen's clubs are jolly good fun, but can be a bit rowdy and crass at times so I bought myself a bottle of claret and headed to the Crazy Horse from Paris. Well, I tell you what, twenty of the finest female shapes on the planet bouncing around made for a bloody good hour or so. All done with a little 'va va voom', as only the French know how (No wonder Sarkozy is such a pervert, I think he and I would get on like a house on fire).

This particular act all you could see was hands, legs and derrières... rearly good (guffaw)

The good news is, I'm starting to cut quite a distinct figure now, with my fine arrangement of whiskers, and new hair cut. This was somewhat forced upon me as I kept being likened to this chap Borat, so in rather desperate fashion I went to see Jack the barber. Anyhow, Jack soon sorted out the birds nest of a barnet I had and with a little help from some product it no longer looks like it belongs to Kazakhstan's finest export. 

The good thing about cutting a distinct appearance is that people tend to suppose that you might be distinct. Never one to blow my own trumpet, and I would never introduce myself as 'Lord F', but in a Harris tweed jacket (finest cloth in the land) with suitably arranged facial hair it would be easy for someone to presume I was related to Royalty (I'm never going to discourage this kind of presumption, after all, if you go back far enough I'm certain we are, albeit French royalty. Mind you our Queen has German ancestry so Royalty is royalty. Enough said)

Anyway, where am I going with this, oh yes. Cue complimentary tickets to the Cirque du Soleil from the manager of the MGM, as 'we are trying to appeal to a more sophisticated guest'. Couldn't agree with you more old chap, and shows like the 'Ka' will only help with that. 

Gone are the circus days I remember with a juggling clown, tiger on a leash and some gypsy trying to pinch your wallet. This was a jolly impressive array of dancing, swinging from the roof, sword fighting and death defying stunts which even an old cynic like me loved. I would recommend to all and look forward to seeing my next 'Cirque', although the Tarzan looking chap in nothing but a diamanté cod piece flying overhead, was a little much after a heavy dinner.

I thought the MGM was a great hotel to stay in, with some of the best restaurants I have ever eaten in (slip $20 in your passport for the check in girl and free room upgrade should follow,you might need British accent too). 

As always folks 

Be lucky

Lord F